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Welcome to Make More Money Without Selling Your Soul. The podcast for bold entrepreneurs ready to simplify scale and reclaim their time. I’m Polly Lavarello, Evergreen scaling strategist and cushy business pioneer. Join me and my occasional guests as we explore the themes of wealth, selling and well-being, because building a business that works for you changes everything. Let’s dive in.

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Hello and welcome to the show. Today, I want to talk about where being gentle with yourself has a limit, and, yeah, I’m going to be sharing some pretty cringy personal stuff about what has come up for me lately. Consider this almost like a diary entry. A little look behind the scenes of my business, where, no, I’m not selling you anything. I’m not talking about how my business is supporting me and how it can support you, talking about the very realness about being a CEO, alongside all the humanness that we have to live with. And while I’m not being very clear, I’m about to be a million times clearer. This is a hard one to introduce, because, as you can probably tell, just by the way I’m speaking, it feels quite vulnerable and raw speaking about these things, particularly when I myself am the mentor who I’m very fortunate to have clients who trust me with the fact that they themselves have previously been burnt out and are building businesses that don’t allow them to get burnt out. And so mental health is a discussion that comes up regularly, and yet somehow, I kind of dropped the ball with my own mental health over the winter, which you know, if you’re a regular listener you might have picked up on when I came out with things like, this year is my no year, which, funnily enough, now the sun is shining. The first thing I’ve done is book to go to an in person event, because I cannot wait to be around human beings. But my goodness, was I adamant I felt the opposite way earlier this year. 

So if you’ve been with me on that ride, I’m grateful you’ve been there with me. And I still believe there was a lot of elements to that podcast that stood true. I know various people resonated with it at the time, and I guess really importantly, one of the really important things to kind of speak to before we even get started, is started, is that, you know we are, you know we live in a seasonal world. Us women are seasonal human beings, and so I’m never here to diminish the periods where, in that season, I required a certain way of being, and at the same time, that way of being, being gentle on myself had a cost, and so I wanted to speak to that honestly today, earlier this week, I, for the first time since last August, I think, published an episode on an episode, a blog post on sub stack, which I, as you can tell, don’t Use very regularly. I don’t treat it like a marketing kind of. It’s more of a marketing experiment, rather than, rather than a kind of, part of my rinse and repeat strategy of visibility growth, right? But I shared this post, and I shared it with my mailing list, and I had a fair few emails coming back to me saying I really needed to see that today. So that’s why I was like, You know what? I’m going to sit down and I’m going to record about this too. So without further ado, let me give some context. About a week ago, on April the first among all the bloody April Fool’s AI generated garbage, there was one of my lovely friends, Cleo Ned, who’s actually been a guest on this podcast. She shared, I think it was a real or maybe it was a story. I think it was a story where she said, Happy New Year. April the first is my new year. And I think I can’t remember what she said beyond that, I feel like there’s some astrological reasons or whatever. There are reasons as to why people say April the first is actually a new year, but when I saw it, I just felt this full body sigh of relief, because it felt very true. This winter has been such a challenging winter for me, and I mean, it feels like it’s been a winter in all of the senses, not just externally, but I feel like the external weather was a mirror for how I’ve been feeling internally. It’s just been cold, it’s just been wet, it’s just been dark. I’ve just felt the urge to hermit away. And while I was talking about burnout earlier on, I want to be clear, at no point did I ever feel burnt out. In fact, actually, my business was the one bit that actually kept me kind of. Motivated. You know, as you can tell, I was still recording my podcast, the social media content was still going out, I was still showing up for my clients, and that was a part of my life where I still felt energy, but I felt a huge lethargy around absolutely anything else. There was an element of like, that’s my bare minimum, but I don’t have the capacity, for example, to be pitching to get on podcasts. I don’t even have the desire to be pitched to get on a podcast. You know, I don’t want to be talking on stages all of those things I guess I probably covered in that episode when I talked about my no year, I was like, here are all the things I am choosing to ignore right now. And like I say, in some ways I honor that version of me.

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But I think the challenge is things slid a bit too far the other way, and that really came to a head on March the 22nd my 40th birthday, when my daughter, every year, she’s now going to be she’s 11 at the moment, every year her and her brother make me a handmade birthday card, which I adore. And last year, it was brilliant. I think I actually even shared it online, because it was an image of me holding weights, because she was so you know, associating me with the woman who regularly went to the gym holding weights. And underneath it, it said cushy CEO, and she’d drawn lobsters and cherries all over the card this year. This year, she drew an image of me lying on the sofa with a cup of tea, so at least it wasn’t a bottle of wine, which you know, to be fair, I that didn’t happen, thank goodness. But me cup of tea, an image of a woman with very high boobs and a speech bubble where there was swearing. She then pointed out and said, Mom, that’s real housewives. But yeah, it was the image of me lying and not even just sat at the sofa, lying flat on the sofa, watching Real Housewives with a cup of tea. And I think underneath that, she’d even also written cushy CEO. And I was like, No, that is not what I mean when I say cushy. I don’t mean like falling apart and glued to the sofa. Oh my goodness. And I tried to laugh it off, and I knew she was doing it with affection, because unfortunately, that’s what she’d seen a lot of me doing in my spare time, like when I wasn’t working, I wasn’t going to the gym, I wasn’t going for walks. I was watching a bit of reality TV, and I somehow got sucked into all of those reality TV storylines that I obviously obsessively consumed. You know, I will be clear, by the way, it’s massively inappropriate for an 11 year old to be watching that show, and that’s also why she found it exciting, because I wouldn’t let her watch it when she was around. So it would only be if she was coming down from bedtime to kind of see what I was doing that she would see me watching that. Just to be clear, it’s not something I sit down with my 11 year old and watch with her, because that would just be awful. But that’s also why, and it was kind of the forbidden fruit. And so she felt it was exciting to put it on a card. But my brother came round and he looked at it, the card, this is, looked at me, and he said, You’re a kpole. And in that moment, I just thought, this is something I need to like, not just brush off, because actually, this is my daughter’s perception of me, and it might have been done, you know, she’s very cheeky and she’s very silly, and we like ribbing each other, but I could tell when she gave me the card. She didn’t really realize how it would make me feel, because she didn’t think it was that unusual. And in that moment, I was like this, this needs to change. And by the way, I’m not saying I’m never going to watch reality TV ever again, but I am saying I want to have a less familiar relationship with my sofa. Anyhow, I became aware of that. And so back in March, I started going to Pilates sessions once a week. Weirdly enough, as the universe happens to work in its weird, mysterious ways, I happened to go to the playground to collect my son and another mother there. I was kind of saying to her, you know, I think she she said she’d been exercising that day. I didn’t know at that point, she was a personal trainer. 

So I was like, Oh, I really need to be doing that too. I’ve not actually been to the gym since last April, almost a year, but I’m like, I’m nervous to even get started. And she said, Yeah, you should start with something gentle, like Pilates. And someone next to her said, Well, you do know she’s a Pilates teacher. So that is how it all began. I started going to Pilates classes, I kind of then had the hunger for more. She was like, You should come along to a mobility class, because that will help, since you spend so much time at a desk. So I’m now signed up to do two of those, basically to kind of zoom out or give you some context, I have started my journey towards trying to take better care of my body. There was an awareness, but as with all things, it felt like the awareness and the action kind of came a bit too late, and the damage, in some ways, was already done, not just in my daughter’s perception of me, but in my weight and in my health, in that I’m now the heaviest I have ever weighed. I mean, not. Thing unsalvageable, but certainly quite depressing. And this weekend, when I just was in Devon with my husband and his family, I never felt it so much. You know, I’ve had this ongoing joke because my husband’s 12 and a half years older than me that, you know, he’s very lucky because he’s got this younger wife who one day will take care of him. Yet this weekend, you would have thought anything, but because he was skipping up these steep Devon hills like a goat while I was huffing and puffing and grumbling that, you know, he should have told me that we were going on that kind of hike, because I would have worn trainers, and these boots are all wrong. And I didn’t like myself for being that grumpy person. And I also didn’t like myself, because really deep down, I knew it was nothing to do with the boots and everything to do with my confidence in my strength and my stamina and just a general feeling that if I fell over I would hurt myself, which I don’t have when I’m regularly going to the gym and feeling lighter and feeling stronger. I mean, it’s not to say I can’t fall over and hurt myself in that way, but I just felt more steady on my feet, which I just didn’t feel that weekend. And it’s all really been driven home because my mum, in her late 60s now, who’s had MS since her late, no early 30s. 

Since 30, in fact, her mobility is decreasing quite rapidly. And so I look at her, and I’m so aware of how lucky I am to not be sounds awful, but to not have those same challenges, you know, and I feel like looking at it should drive home more than ever the importance of taking care of myself, because I can, no matter how much she takes care of herself, her body isn’t going to respond in the same way. But I am lucky I don’t have that. You know? Yes, I have long covid. Yes, I have challenges with fatigue. But here was the other horrendous realization I had to kind of be aware of as the same weekend that I was grumbling about walking up the hills, I talked to my husband’s sister in law, who also happens to be a rehabilitation nurse who helps people with injuries. And I was sharing with her that in January of 2025 I was going to the gym four times a week, doing couch to five k3 times a week, and that was the beginning of the end. Because while I stopped going to the gym in April, it was because I gave myself injuries in January and I exhausted myself in a way that I struggled to show up for my work. And as I said it all out loud to her, I didn’t even need to see her face or hear her response to understand that I am not like so unwell that I can’t exercise. It’s the expectations I’d been putting on myself exercising like a 20 year old who doesn’t have any other responsibilities, aside from rocking into work and you know, then doing whatever in the evenings, like I’m now a perimenopausal mother of two children who have additional needs alongside running a business, and I just simply do not have the capacity that I was pushing myself to when I was exercising. You know, if I was doing 10k steps, that wasn’t good enough. 

Let’s push it to 12. If I was working out three times a week, that’s not good enough. Let’s push it to five. That’s what all those brilliant people on Instagram are doing. And so while I haven’t been guilty of massively falling into a hole of comparisonitis, when it came to how I was approaching my business, I was definitely falling into that hole when it came to wellness and exercise, being constantly geared on by the latest trend, the latest biohacking, the latest longevity thing. And as much as I didn’t want to pay attention to it, I couldn’t deny or ignore the fact that these people look so brilliantly healthy and well, and I wanted some of that. And so I just kept on pushing and pushing and pushing myself until my body said no more. And it felt like the only kind option I could give myself was to do nothing at all, which, you know, is a mindset. I challenge people on in business all the time, when we have that binary sense of I’m either successful because I posted five times this week, or I failed because I only posted four when actually four not quite hitting your goal is more than adequate, right? And that’s just a random example. By the way, I’m not saying we all need to post four times a week or five by by any means. By the way, I’m just giving an example of how we can set rules for ourselves, which aren’t helpful or conducive to where we actually want to be. Because the interesting thing, of course, is now that I have done nothing for my body. For approaching a year, my body has gone back to kind of what it was post giving birth to my son, which was 10 years ago, and I’m now very aware that the things that I deemed weren’t good enough and weren’t helping were actually doing a lot, because what I see right now is very different to what I saw back then. So you might be thinking, Polly, why are you massively oversharing about your health and your you know. Well being and well, I guess I wanted to share because I think sometimes we get this impression that successful business owners have their shit together and they never mess up. And I think it’s really important regardless as to wherever we’re struggling in our life, whether it’s our romantic relationships, whether it’s our health and well being, or whether it’s in our business that we do take a moment to not to not get swallowed by the shame like it felt quite powerful, even though it felt slightly painful to say these words out loud and to write the sub stack article, because it was in recognizing where you don’t allow yourself to be swallowed by the shame as to where you’ve got to you, then have the opportunity to think about, okay, so what do we do? How do we make this different? How does this get to feel great again? And yes, it can feel frustrating if you’ve been looking after your health for years and years and years, and you’ve been a bit of a yo yo. I don’t say Dieter, but like a Yo yo, I’m on it, and I’m taking care of myself, or I’m letting go entirely. And I have to admit, as someone who’s just turned 40, I’ve really been guilty of that. But I think turning 40, I think looking at my mother, she gets older, I think just with, you know, now, yearly mammograms, because my family’s increased chances of cancer, and the fact that things like alcohol and I just don’t get along anymore, and that I legitimately seem to prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate, my body is telling me take better care of me. And so here are the things I’m doing to support myself. Because if you’re listening and thinking I’m recording this, because I feel like there are a fair few of us who in the winter can become a bit of a hermit. Can feel like things feel heavier. And I feel like this is a time of year where we feel, you know, we get to make hay while the sun shines. We get to step into better habits that will carry us better over the next winter, so that things don’t have to feel so low next time. 

And while I’m not like some expert in health and wellness, I actually felt like that was more a reason to talk about this, because I want to talk about this from the lens of somebody who, you know, like, forget 75 hard forget, you know, biohacking and expensive gadgets. Like, what are the small things we can do, particularly when we run an online business that can really mash up your brain. What can we do to support ourselves? So one thing I’m doing is I have a padlock, which is like a brick that prevents me from going on social media all the time, that already has worked wonders for my brain. There’s something really empowering about having having something physical that you have to use. I absolutely love it. That’s one thing I’m doing. Another thing I’m doing is I’m just getting out and walking more. And rather than trying to get in one big, long walk that always feels really hard to manage, and rather than getting a walking pad, which I’m like, how do people walk and talk and, like, host a call and how, you know, I’ve hosted meetings before with people on walking pads, and it is immensely distracting. And quite frankly, I was like, you know, how can I call my business a cushy business if I’m not giving myself the capacity to get out the door and absorb some of this glorious vitamin D and sunshine? So instead, I’ve decided to go for a walk. In the morning, my kids are faffing around, and I’m just getting fed up with them. Just going to go outside and get a quick walk around the block in. I’m going to go for a walk after lunch, which is also meant to be very good for you. It’s meant to help stabilize blood sugars. And I’m going to go for a walk in the evening with my daughter or son, or whoever wants to walk with me that evening, or just with a podcast if neither of them want to go. But usually my daughter loves going out and having a little chat with me and getting a few steps in with me as well. 

So I’m going to be bringing that in now. Will that be as feasible in the winter? I don’t know, but I feel like it’s something that lights me up and makes me feel excited right now. So I’m happy to do it, and I’m happy to see what difference getting those steps in will mean, and I know it’s gonna massively help me with shifting some of this weight that’s settled on me in my hermit era. It’s funny that Taylor Swift doesn’t have a hermit era, does she? So I’m walking more. I’m doing my mobility and Pilates, which is also brilliant, because it’s getting me around more human beings, which when you work from home alone, can be quite boring. So I’m really looking forward to spending more time with more humans, and I am going to commit to doing one weight training workout a week to build on top of what I’m doing with those classes, because the classes, particularly Pilates, feels quite gentle in comparison, and I feel like it will also get me out the house for an hour on the weekend, which is usually a nice thing to do, to give me some me time. And I’m just reading more books, making more time for me. And I will say diet wise, I am cutting out alcohol and sugar, because there is a strong correlation for me between over consumption in both areas connected to one another, and it just doesn’t serve me anymore. I wish it did, because I love wine, but it’s just not my best friend, and I would much sooner remove a depressant from my life than go on antidepressants, than take a depressant. So that’s my personal stance. So, yeah, those are the small, simple things that I can incorporate, you know, and I maybe I’ll build on those as time goes by. But I know steps exercise and fueling myself nicely are all things that are going to help me feel and do better, set myself up for better habit, so that when it does get darker again next year, I’ll be in a better position to be with it, and most importantly, get in the habit of looking after my body, because I know my body when it’s happy and healthy, also means a better, stronger, more focused brain, and that everyone wins when I do that. I think, you know, it can be a real challenge. I never, ever skip on making sure my kids are happy. I never, ever skip on making sure my clients are happy. But I can be guilty of, I don’t know. Somehow I kind of abandoned myself a bit, and I’m looking I shared with my mentor the other day, I was like, I think I’m going to share my redemption arc with the people in my world, with my community, because it feels powerful to share this journey with you. It feels powerful to be honest.

21:07

It feels powerful to set new intentions. It feels powerful to be transparent about this so that you can be on this journey with me. I will be sharing more about the ways that I’m ensuring that I am the embodiment of a cushy CEO. And if this resonated, if you have been in your own hermit era and you are ready to do different, I mean, one, please DM me. I’m very curious to hear any tips or things that have worked for you. Now, I am an sad girl, so winter is always hard for me, but this one was a humdinger. I mean, my husband said, I think we should book a sunny holiday next winter, which maybe they’ll be on the cards too. We’ll see. But any other tips like that, please DM me at Polly laverello. I always love to hear them. And if there’s anyone else who’s been going through similar and wants to feel reassured that they are not alone, please do share this episode with them, because mental health matters. You are never alone, and we have more control than we give ourselves credit for, and one of the best ways that we can support ourselves is in through supporting each other. All right, big love. I’ll be in your ears next week with another guest episode you.