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Welcome to Make More Money Without Selling Your Soul. The podcast for bold entrepreneurs ready to simplify scale and reclaim their time. I’m Polly Lavarello, Evergreen scaling strategist and cushy business pioneer. Join me and my occasional guests as we explore the themes of wealth, selling and well-being, because building a business that works for you changes everything. Let’s dive in.

00:36

Hello, and welcome to the show. This week’s episode is going to be a super candid episode, if I can say the word, talking about my experience last week public speaking, and I want to talk about the theme, if my mouth will allow me. I want to talk about the theme of stretching to our edges when we’re already established, and how much further it feels like falling, and what I did to help me get past my fear of public speaking. So, if you have a fear of public speaking, if you have a new area in your business that you know if you stretched into it would unlock the next level for you, but you keep on making excuses for yourself, then this episode should be a valuable one. If you listened to my last week’s episode and you heard me announcing that Carrie Anne’s episode is dropping this week, apologies because of the heat wave she had to cancel. So that will be coming, but not this week. So let’s get into this because it’s hyper relevant. Because guess what, guys? I did my first public speaking in 10 years. I calculated in 10 years, two days ago, two days ago. So it’s super fresh, and I want to share a bit about that because I have been a personal brand now for six years. I’ve been contracting for eight. I’ve been in the digital marketing space for way longer than that since before my daughter was born. So I don’t know, 1415, years, and I worked in a marketing agency prior to that, so I’ve been in the space a good while. I know the value of public speaking, and in fact, I did do a kind of equivalent of a TED talk in Gibraltar called Jib Talks. Funnily enough, back in 2015, when I was pregnant. In fact, maybe even 2016 when I was pregnant with my son Arlo. 

So God, that was that was intimidating. And to be honest with you, I’ve you know it’s still on YouTube, and every time I look at it, I kind of shudder because it was not me at my best. I was absolutely terrified. I clung to my papers. I kept on looking down. I was not natural. It was probably really, really uncomfortable to watch. It was highly rehearsed, but to the extent that, again, you know, it just, it just wasn’t the one. Okay, but it was one of those invitations that was so good, I couldn’t ignore it. So I have to admit that since launching this business, being Polly Lavarello for the last six years, I have avoided pitching myself to do any speaking, and I have to admit there was a slight element of like, well, if it lands in my lap, then I will deal with it. But until then, I will just carry on regardless. And there’s a few things that play a big role in this. One of them was with each year that went by. The longer I hadn’t gone and done that, you know, as a business that has now made multi six figures, made over a million pounds in group program sales collectively over the past few years, who is recognizable? Like when I go and sit in a room at any conference or event, people always come up to me and recognize me, which is really lovely feeling, you know. Obviously, I’m approaching 200 episodes of this podcast now, and so there are lots of things that would make you assume that public speaking was my wheelhouse. I mean, I used to even be a TV panelist. In fact, I have been a panelist in the in the last few years. I hosted, and I’ve hosted a roundtable. All of those things didn’t feel like public speaking to me. All of those things felt perfectly fine, but I haven’t just stood in front of a room and talked. Well, except for my events that I host, but again, that’s usually up to 20 people for a long time.

04:12

And again, that felt different because again, all of those people at those events I’ve hosted, the majority of whom I’ve known before they’ve walked through the door, so it’s never felt as uncomfortable. And herein lies the secret of what helped me with my public speaking. So let’s get to that. So essentially, the beginning of this year, I declared this year my no year. Looking back, I was probably a little bit winter depressed, and looking back, I was also just trying to protect myself. My nervous system was feeling a bit frayed, and so I didn’t want to put any unnecessary pressure on myself. So I have absolute love and admiration for that version of me. But of course, two heat waves in, fully solar powered, feeling just ready for it, I recognized it no longer needed to be my no year, and that I was really ready to get myself in rooms, on stages, on platforms. And was ready to be proactive about seeking those. Like I’ve not pitched myself for any podcasts in the last year, not done any of those things. The kind of things I regularly encourage my own clients to do, I have been ignoring myself. And like I say, deep down, there’s always been a little element of like, oh, it’s a flex that I can still have such a successful business just on my social media, my ads, and that alone, really, like that. That I mean, it’s very flexible when you’re a mum, right? But my kids are 10 and 12 now. I have a lot more freedom and flexibility. They don’t want to be around me half the time. They want to be out with their friends, so I don’t need to be at home when they finish school in the way that I used to be. Which means there is a lot more flexibility to be doing things like traveling up and down to London or going to events in a way that there wasn’t before, and I’m sharing all of this because maybe you are in a similar position too. Maybe it’s time for you to also reflect on where you’re at in your business and look at what you get to call in at this stage too. As you can probably tell, there are no notes to this. As I said, candid, just sitting down and just talking to you like you’re a mate, telling you what went down. So I received this invitation from Mother’s Meetings. Looked at them; they’re big. They’ve had some incredible speakers, and I felt really-I mean, honestly, to be honest with you-I almost ignored it, thinking that sounds a bit too good to be true. But it was happening, and then I found out one of my clients had also been invited too, so it was all the more exciting to go, and it happened on Monday. I think I was invited about a week or two prior to it actually happening. I went up to Shoreditch, and as I was stood on the train, I recognized one of the things that had really been holding me back, and I really wish I hadn’t recognized this at this moment, I recognize the thing that was really holding me back was that when I was in my final year of junior school. So I’m guessing I was about 10, yeah, 10. I was doing a presentation to my class on Florence. Ugh! I think I was talking about David at the time, and beforehand, before I’d gone up, I’d done the whole little thing of raising my hand, saying, “Miss, can I go to the bathroom? No, you should have gone at break time. 

Can you tell where this is headed? I was stood up there in front of the entire class, talking absolute. You know, I’d gone to the encyclopedia, looked at some of my mum’s art books, and created a little presentation on Florence. I was stood there with two of my best friends who were doing it with me, and the anxiety of being stood up there, combined with the need to go to the loo, meant I wet myself. And because I was already feeling quite desperate for the loo, once I started, it wasn’t one of those whoopsie a little came out. No, it was a torrent, a gush, an uncontrollable wave of we flooding the floor below me, making.

07:51

I think I can still hear the sound of it hitting the carpet to this day, and it was mortifying because one of the worst things I did was: did I look down or look away? No, I didn’t do that. That would have been sensible. Instead, it was almost like I wanted to know: Was this really happening? Is anyone noticing this? And I looked around the room, and everyone’s eyes were bulging out their heads, and some of them, kind of understandably, were laughing. So everyone’s laughing at me, everyone’s looking shocked. My poor best friends. I was mortified on their behalf, thinking, “Will they ever want to talk to me again? And of course, I had to do the PE spare PE kit, walk home of shame to my dad, and explain. At 10 years old, I had wet myself. You know, this is not like infant school where these things can happen. This was bloody junior school, okay? So the pain, okay? Because you know what? The reason why I had to reflect on that is that, as you can tell, listening to this podcast, I love to yab. I am a yabberer. I love talking. On the train home, I made three new friends. I’m a very outgoing person. I’m very curious about human beings. I love humans, like I love new experiences, and I’m not too proud. Like I’m not particularly vain. I don’t have a huge ego. So there’s so many elements that should make me the perfect material for public speaking, and yet at the same time, I’ve just avoided. It’s it’s like you know. I I’ve noticed at recent events. So the Friday before the Monday, when I was meant to be giving the talk, I attended the authority table hosted by Justice Williams. Give her a shout out. She’s brilliant. And I went to her event. There was 20 of us around a table, and we were all individually introducing ourselves. And when it got to my turn, I did it, and I was like, “Well done, Polly! You kind of said it. You didn’t exactly say what you wanted to say, but you did it. And as I went to pick up my glass of water, my hand was shaking. And this has happened. You know, I’ve gone to other mastermind days in London, hosted by other people, the Seven Collective. 

Another shout out, and again. I physically shake. I was shaking while introducing myself and while picking up my glass. Now I’m sharing all of this because I imagine again you listening to me. I come across sat in my bedroom recording this because it’s really hot in my office right now. I come across really freaking confident, right? But I want you to know that you if you have same kind of anxiety in whatever context that is, whether that’s hitting live on Instagram, whether that’s making the sale or following up, that I have my own like mind gremlins too. And while there’s been so much work to be so much more grounded, so much more comfortable in myself, there is this uncontrollable fear that I’ve had around public speaking for so long that even introducing myself and sharing a little bit at the table in front of 20 strangers-or I mean, the majority of occasions I know some people at the table, but 1815, to 18 strangers-is enough to make me shake. How silly is that? And so on Monday, oh my goodness! I cannot tell you how much I had to coach myself when I stood on that train. As I recognize, I was like, “It’s okay, Polly. Just go for a wee, and then that any sense, anything that’s going on your bladder will not freak. Like that will that you will remove that fear that you may need to. You might wear yourself, and so that already made me feel a lot better because I do not have pelvic floor issues, friends. I do not. I’m very lucky as a mum or two. I do not have pelvic floor issues, so that shouldn’t be a concern. There’s no legitimacy behind that concern. Not quite needing a tenor lady just yet, but as I stood there, the train was delayed, like crazily delayed.

11:43

I think I was about an hour late getting to London Bridge, and I cannot tell you every single little stop on the way there, which there are many between Preston Park and London Bridge. I was like, just get off, just go back. You’re going to be late anyway. Just say thank you so much for the invitation. I’m afraid I can’t make it, and I had to just like no, stay on the train. The reason for that is also partly because of my neurodivergency. One thing I really like is to be early, to be on time, to feel prepared, to get a sense of the room, to get a sense of what’s going on. To me, like there were a few things I wanted to do that I felt would really ground me in the experience and make me feel a lot more confident about getting started. Well, needless to say, that didn’t happen. I got to London Bridge, made a quick toilet break for all the obvious reasons. Rushed to Shoreditch, got there, and fortunately, as I arrived, the first speaker hadn’t even started yet, so I was only about 20 minutes late. In the end, thank goodness, because I’m such an early bird that even when I was late, I still made it just in time. And I got there, and my brilliant client Lissy went first. She was phenomenal. Have to say, she was a lot more prepared than me. She had notes. She had the full kit and caboodle. You know, brilliant questions to ask the room and engage the room. I mean, she was a masterpiece, a masterclass in what it is to public speak. I, in the meantime, had just made a few notes on my phone, which was interesting. I recognized in that moment that because of my fear of what I was about to do, I hadn’t dressed my very best because I was like, if I look casual, then I can play it casual. Then I can be like that. Oh hi, I’m just giving a talk here. How you doing? Kind of energy. 

So I was just wearing my Lucien Yak leopard print onesie-not onesie, but you know what I mean. Playsuit, jumpsuit, whatever we call it. Yeah, wearing that with my little saltwater red sandals, like really quite casual, very brighten. You know, wearing that. My hair, I had even like I don’t think I’d even brushed it. And what else? And and yeah, I just had notes on my mother effing phone. Like I was like we’re modern now we can have notes on phones but I have to admit little tip to anyone who’s not done public speaking before as I saw people who held actual physical notes in contrast to those who held their phone it just looks a lot nicer it kind of blends in more with the outfit holding notes for some reason than holding a phone it just looks a bit weird so I will not be doing that again. But anyway, as I was sat there watching everyone, I tried to do that whole kind of breathe in for four, out for seven, or whatever the numbers are. Basically, just breathe out for longer than breathing in, and just slow down my mother effing breath. But as I was doing it, it felt really hard. You know when there’s such a tightness in your chest that it’s actually really hard to do that. I was at that level, and the worst thing was I’d grabbed some CBD on the way to the on the way to the train from my cupboard, and my husband had left basically an empty bottle of CBD, so I didn’t even have CBD on my side. Because again, when I’ve gone into meetings that feel a little bit nerve-wracking, a little spray spray of a CBD under the tongue has always helped me feel that little bit calmer. But I didn’t have that, which meant I didn’t even have my L-theanine. I didn’t have anything to help me feel calmer, so I couldn’t do the breathing thing. And I realized I needed to have.

14:59

Conversation myself if I was even going to get to the stage where I could do the breathing and maybe and I also get started to realize that maybe a bit of adrenaline is okay like maybe that like rush breath I can get through this maybe I can breathe when I get up there and I started recognizing as I watched 234 speakers that I just needed to get up there sooner rather than later, so I could really sit back and focus on what people were sharing and enjoy it. And luckily, there was no order to the day. You could literally just say, “Hey, I’m ready to go. It was very cool. It was, I mean, it really matched the energy that I had arrived with and how I dressed because it was a very laid back way of delivering a talk. But what I realized, you know, I kind of as I sat there, I realized, Polly, you’re so in your own head. Like, get outside of your head, outside of your body, and look around the room. And as I looked around the room, I just saw. I mean, it’s called mothers’ meetings, right? And the theme was mothers making money. I just saw inspiring women all there to support one another. So many with inspiring stories, and I thought, what the hell are you getting in your head about? Like, I’ve had a wedding, two weddings, in fact, and I was like, well, the first one was over 100 people, the second one was 50 people, and this is somewhere in between the two. Like, if you could talk in front of them and have a nice time in front of them, why can’t you do that here? Like, these are just other flawed, inspiring, lovely human beings like anyone else on this planet, and in fact, just they’re just so wishing you right now to do well. No one sat there judging or like you know like they they want you to do well. They are on your side, and the moment I kind of made that connection, I was like, yeah, they’re really willing me to do well. I relaxed, not not entirely, because when I got up there, I was holding a microphone, which made me really anxious because I was like, if I’m shaking, it’s going to be really obvious. 

Thank goodness the microphone was kind of heavy, so I think that actually hid my shaking slightly. But my phone was in my other hand, which again was kind of heavy, but not heavy enough to not shake a bit, and most importantly, I could feel it in my chest. Like the shaking was almost like inside my chest, and so I was like, the other thing I’m just going to do is I’m just going to be honest. For any woman in the room who, like me previously, had not stood up to talk in front of others because they felt like they’re the only one who’s too shy or too embarrassed to do it, and that they just need to permanently be someone who spectates rather than takes part. I needed to share that that moment felt scary for me and vulnerable and raw, for them to recognize that they can do this too. That not everyone who stood up there is naturally confident, because of course confidence comes from doing. So that is how I introduced myself. I was like, “Hey, I’m Polly Lavarello. I won’t tell you the other gump because you know who I am because you’re on my podcast. But I was like, “And I’m shaking right now because this feels stretchy. This feels scary. But that is the very theme of what we do in business, right? We’re constantly stretching and challenging ourselves and putting ourselves in new situations. And this is this is it for me today, and people smiled, and I could honestly feel like the a giant hug from the room as I said that people wanted the best for me. People were like, “We’ve got you. There were just little sighs of encouragement and loveliness, and honestly, immediately as soon as those words left me, I stopped shaking. The moment I stopped pretending to not be afraid and just said I’m afraid, the fear just melted away. It was really potent, actually. It was really magical.

18:31

And what followed was so much adrenaline that I said pretty much none of what I prepared. But people seemed to enjoy it because they came up to me afterwards and said they did, but I guess most importantly, I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it enough to know that when I do it next time, that I will enjoy it again. Which then means that hopefully the adrenaline won’t entirely take over the steering wheel, and therefore enable me to actually finesse and share the things I wanted to share. Like I’m not going to lie, I sat down afterwards, and I was like, “Oh, I had a few audience engagement type questions I wanted to ask. I totally didn’t ask. You know, I wanted to talk about cushy business, my business philosophy. Totally didn’t happen. Wanted to mention my podcast. That didn’t happen. But you know what? I bloody did it. Bloody did it. And you know what was really beautiful is afterwards I sat back and I listened to so many mothers who were frustrated by certain situations and made solutions for those situations who didn’t turn around at the first no or the first failure who kept on persevering, and it was inspiring as hell. It was so so brilliant. It reminded me not only the power of actually getting past your fears and speaking, but getting in the room with other people who are blazing a trail. Yeah, honestly, there’s another podcast coming about what it brought up for me because it enlightened. It brought up for me. Well, I said there’s going to be another podcast, and here I’m like, and I’m going to tell you. No, I’m not going to tell you. I’m going. Tell you another time, but I will say, if you have the opportunity to attend a mother’s meetings, go. They are brilliant. The crowd she attracts are just phenomenal, and because it was a room of 70 people, it was just the best way to get started on something I find scary. Like if I’d started on somewhere like Atomicon, stood on one of those enormous stages, I probably would have shat my pants, like not just wet myself. It would be in the full kit and caboodle. So starting in a room with 70 people was just brilliant. So I guess in the same way people often talk about when it comes to podcasts, start with the smaller podcasts and work your way up. I would say so the same for public speaking. If you’ve got a fear around it, just start where you are. I started with hosting my own events that probably broke the back of it. I started attending more events, and then I finally said yes to speaking at an event. And you can believe, moving forward, I will 100% be proactively pitching to speak at events because, I mean, why not? And I guess why say why not? As a strategist, I will tell you, social media is not enough anymore. If you want to be that strong personal brand, being that person that’s featured in magazines, being that person who’s heard on a podcast, being that person who speaks on a stage is so much more potent. I got a whole bunch of new, really engaged, brilliant followers, brilliant connections. I never ever either attend, well, most as I’ve been attending, or have spoken at event that hasn’t translated to sales further down the line, so they’re a really, really valuable thing to do. And of course, every time you do one of them, it opens up another opportunity on this other side. It just builds more trust around you and what your personal brand stands for. So, as my final little reflection, friends, I would love for you to take a moment to think about where am I playing it safe in my business? Where have I not given myself permission to be a little bit vulnerable, to maybe fail a bit more publicly, where it would really actually benefit me?

21:51

That’s the question, really, because we’re all telling ourselves a little comfortable story, like, “Well, I just don’t understand the tech when it comes to ads, or “I just don’t think I have the time to build a funnel, or I just don’t think I would get on that stage. So what’s the point in pitching? Like we all have little stories that are keeping us safe. If you can abolish one of them this week, your business is going to be doing better in the next few months for sure. So do take a little moment, sit down. I think for that. Okay, cool. I will be in your ears next week. I’ll see you then.