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Welcome to Make More Money without Selling Your Soul with me Polly Lavarello, evergreen marketing expert. This podcast is for you if you are an online entrepreneur who is looking to simplify their business to scale.  On this podcast you can expect to hear regular talk about wealth, about selling and about wellbeing. Because I believe these three core fundamental things are pivotal to your growth moving forward.

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Hello, and welcome to make more money without selling your soul with myself Polly Lavarello, evergreen marketing expert and cushy business pioneer.

And today, I’m talking to you really from the heart about the theme of having the courage to be disliked. And this is really speaking from personal experience, rather than alluding to any books, I know there are books on the themes, which I definitely should dive into as I reflect on my desire to speak to this theme with you. But that’s not going to be influencing what I share with you today. This is like I say, it feels quite vulnerable recording this. But that’s all the more reason why I feel like it needs to be done. So on the last podcast, I’d actually shared that I was going to be talking about the similarities between a kitchen and a business, which was already a silly idea. As I said it out loud, you could hear me on the podcast saying why did I think that was a good idea. But the reason why I was going to do an episode on this is if you follow me on social media, I have recently shared some pretty out there. Kind of reels, showing me in the kitchen, basically sharing analogies to do with the kitchen and the business. And what I recognized as I announced that I was going to do this episode, I was like one, I can’t imagine people being drawn to necessarily wanting to listen to this. And to I recognized it was almost me wanting to explain myself, wanting to ensure that people still liked me, hoping that if I shared the reasoning behind why I decided to do this, that that would make it more palatable. And as soon as I felt that in myself, I thought no way, Jose, that is not happening. I don’t need to do that, in fact, when the reasons why we’ve chosen to create that kind of content is because it is kind of disruptive. And that’s the whole point. I want people to look at it and go, What the hell’s she doing? That’s the whole point.

That’s what marketing is meant to do, depending on your approach. So let’s get back to the courage to be disliked. Because that is just one tiny symptom of the fear that can come up around people not getting you, people not liking you, people thinking you’re weird. And actually, it’s the flip side to one of my intentions for this year. So I have had the most beautiful intention for this year that I’ve lent into a lot. And I hear a lot of people talking about word of the year, you know, and all that kind of stuff. But one of the things I didn’t recognize is when you are stretching yourself into something new and exciting, a new way of being it being there is a shadow side. So my kind of intention, I wouldn’t say word. I mean, if there were a word, it would be masterpiece. But essentially one of the kind of mantras I’ve been leaning into a lot this year is when you trust you’re building a masterpiece. What do you choose to focus on? And yes, I’ve been sharing this with a lot of my one to ones because I feel it’s such a relevant prompt to help people really a back themselves be believe in themselves and create from that space of generosity, abundance and trust. Okay, oh my gosh, I’m sounding a bit woowoo today but just please ride with me that this is one of my multifaceted sides that I do believe a bit in energetics. And of course, I believe in mindset, you know, but the shadow side to the masterpiece, because masterpiece is innovation. It’s play. It’s all those things. But alongside that is you know a sense of risk taking

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backing yourself and and ultimately, you know, a masterpiece is unapologetic. It doesn’t apologize for its presence. It doesn’t apologize for its approach.

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It doesn’t even need to explain itself. It just is. Okay. Now you’re probably like alright, probably just get on with it. Now.

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What are you talking about? Now? I am a recovering people pleaser. I even hesitate to use that phrase because I feel like for a lot of people you’ve ever been a people pleaser.

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It’s a bit like any any Those things that identity still lives within you. It may be suppressed at times, it may be relieved at times, it may be less present, but it’s still there. Right? And, you know, of course, where I’ve been stretching into that masterpiece, approach to my life and business, there has been that little voice in the back of my head. What if people don’t get you what do people don’t like it. And one of the things I’ve been really tested on in the last few months, you know, the way when you decide, you really, really want something, almost the moment you speak it into the universe, a challenge comes to get you whether it’s sudden illness, or whether literally like a physical block drops down to be like, Hey, do you really want this to really want it? Well, there have been various smaller things, more subtle things I’ve been kind of being like, is this really who you’re choosing to embody in our policies is really who you’re choosing to identify? Are you really willing to step up to the plate? So there was a phrase, I mean, I came up with the phrase myself that the road to success is lined with haters. But then I found a far more eloquent quote, which I’m now quickly checking my phone to find the name of the man who said it, because it is a fabulous quote. So bear with me. Just one moment, he said, the road to success is paved with doubters and haters, which I think is far more eloquent than what I’d shared. And his name is Matt. Shawna, do ya? Oh, and I really hope I’m saying that correctly. He’s a philosopher. Anyway, I didn’t know anything about him. I simply discovered him via the fact that I was searching to see if this was already a quote, and who’d said it, and who’d said it best, and it was definitely him. And I really, really have recognized that recently, we’re not you know, every year as you grow as a business owner, it’s really powerful to be self aware, and to recognize where are you getting in your own way. And one of the things I came to recognize in my own behavior, is that while consciously, I was telling myself, I was always the unpopular girl at school, I was the girl at school who was bullied, I don’t care what people think, in sneaky ways, I was still trying to protect myself. Now, one of the ways I kind of pushed through that discomfort into a new identity or what, you know, like, ultimately, you got to take the action before it becomes who you are, right? Was to launch and unapologetic, pretty out there brand at the beginning of this year, the cushy brands, which a lot of people have said to me, I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. I don’t like it. And that’s fine. Because I’ve equally had people go, Oh, my holy God, I can’t you know, every time I see you with a towel on the head, like I’ve had also had such fabulous feedback. And honestly, when people discover my account, I’ve never seen people follow so quickly, like the moment my account gets visible, the follow likes just rack up, okay?

Which I mean, when I say rack up rack up in comparison to where they were before, I haven’t got like 100,000 followers or anything like that yet. But you know, it’s I can see the kind of behavior or someone’s just following with with curiosity, intrigue, and the amount of people who reach out to me and go, Oh, my God, your brand is such a vibe. I just knew I had to stick around. Like, I didn’t get that before. So I love that. I love that. And of course, I’m not gonna lie. When I launched my brand, I equally lost about 50 followers overnight, which isn’t a lot of followers isn’t a lot. But it wasn’t noticeable. I’d never had so many people unfollowed me all at once. And that was, you know, that was a test a little test to be like, are you really here? Are you really committed? Are you really throwing yourself fully into this, which I have? Now, I think talking about brand, is the kind of sexier more fun way to talk about what it is to be like authentic, unapologetic. And you know, to be that magnetic brand, where people are like, Break me off a piece of that. Yes, please, I want that permission slip. That stuff sexy, that stuff’s fun and easy to talk about. But there are the less sexy behind the scenes things that we can be doing to sabotage our success. Because we’re afraid of upsetting anyone because we’re afraid of ruffling feathers. And this is something that I’ve really had to come full circle with. I’m going to be honest. In the past, I have done various things to remove myself from needing to be too heavily involved in enforcing payment plans, because I find the whole conversation immensely uncomfortable to the extent that I had my team member essentially manage my calendar and manage finances from clients so that I could be uninvolved as possible. Now, I don’t regret that for a second. I think every sensible business notes should do that, predominantly because I find it does create an energetic rift, when you’re likewise supporting your client and equally chasing them for payments, like it needs to be someone else who’s doing that. But one of the things I’ve struggled with in the past was having those tricky conversations. And recently, I’ve really had to kind of swallow a frickin frog. And turn that around, because I recognize that it was standing in my way of scaling the way I desired to because there was a little fear at the back of my head of the more clients I have, the more I’m gonna have to do this. And as I looked at and support other people in this industry, and recognize that refunds, and various you know, chasing payments is a weekly task for all of them. I’ve not met a seven figure mentor who’s not got that as a daily to weekly task, that this is something I really needs to get my head around and recognize a contract is a contract. And I am not responsible for somebody having poor judgment when they sign a contract, particularly when I know my marketing could not be more transparent. And my sales process couldn’t be more gentle, more transparent, more giving people space and time to choose when as and when they want things. And ultimately, what I know to be true is I don’t want people working with me who don’t take their contracts seriously. Otherwise, what’s the point? So that was one big thing, and I wanted to share it because I knew if it’s true for me, it could be true for you. And if it is, it’s time baby, we get true with ourselves about this, because honestly, there will be a little story in the back of your head somewhere, thinking, Oh, if I work with this type of person, or I become even more successful, I’m going to have to deal with this icky side of it. And I don’t feel comfortable or empowered enough to deal with this icky side. And you know, what I want to give you like on the simplest ways to manage these things, which I’ve always done with everything. In fact, no, we’ll get to that in a second. Let’s talk about one more thing. Another thing that people can do when they are afraid of upsetting anyone is saying yes to collaborations that aren’t a good fit, having guests on their podcast that they have no interest in talking to, or you know, whatever any of those kinds of things being an affiliate for someone they don’t want to be an affiliate for. Because even though they don’t align with their values, they’re still doing it, because they don’t want to upset that person. Like, honestly, these things are never as big as we allow them to be. I watched inside out two of my kids yesterday, and I swear like I was like, Oh my God, all the similarities and business is insane. I was like that hockey pitch. But that hockey game at the end with all the emotions flying through people I was like, that is the icky side of business where we are in a pressure pot. And how we respond to that pressure pot is how we also welcome and success. And if we cannot face our demons head on, if we can’t learn to be grounded and present and find ways to manage them, then you will not see the success you desire. You just won’t. Because you can’t have the good without the bad. So you need to learn how to tolerate the bad. Okay, so let me give you like the kind of practical tips you know, as I’ve shared with you being really transparent on this episode, have have I always been perfect at this? No. Am I perfect at it now? No, I believe everybody is always a work in progress. And the second you say I’ve arrived, I’m done, then there’s probably something heavily wrong with you.

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Just my opinion. But here are the things that have really helped me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. So firstly, and these two things may sound obvious, and I think sometimes it’s the simplest things that are hardest to do. But one of them is to be really, really clear on what your values are. Like, what where is it too far for you? Like when you know what your values are? Let’s get back to the collaboration thing. Like I’ve had people invite me on their podcast, and I know they employ sleazy sales tactics, and that they don’t deliver on what they promise. Have I been a guest on their podcast? No. Can I always get it right? No, I’m a human. I will uh, you know, like, I know, it’s inevitable that somebody could change. Or I might not know the full picture. But where I can know, where I smell any kind of a wrap. I trust that I’ve got enough good people around me that I don’t need to say no to that poor collaboration, because I know the importance of brand affiliation. And I don’t want to affiliate myself with someone who I don’t want to be affiliated with, okay. Affiliate is a word beyond finance, right affiliate is how people associate you with somebody. And I don’t want that to be a bad thing. Like I say, as you grow. There’s an element of like having to let that go to a certain extent as well. But knowing your values, is going to make it a lot easier to understand what you’re willing to let go of and what you’re not willing to let go of, you know, when you stand in your truth and your power, you could essentially be in the room with almost anyone and you still will be the real deal and people will not judge you by who you’re speaking to. Because they’ll know thank goodness, that woman sprinkling that magic on that person who definitely needs it. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best example. Again, I’m imperfect and I’m sure In an imperfect example that but values will help you with all of these pieces.

You know, like the other day, I had a scenario where someone went against my values and how they spoke to me. And that was enough for me to put a firm line between myself and them. Okay? And it was so simple. In that moment, I was like, that goes against my values. To him, the door is shot. So nice. I wish I could have done that in my 20s. Why don’t I have to almost be 40 to finally be able to like stand up for my values and say, No, thank you. But that’s the second piece I wanted to speak to values are how you know what you are here for, and what you’re not here for your boundaries are what allow you to reinforce those. And your boundaries will always be tested. As you stretch into new areas, you need to constantly be reassessing those boundaries to understand what that looks like. So for example, a really simple boundary I’ve put in place is a mist, like even my generosity is processed, right. So in my contract when you choose to work with me, if life life’s, if there is a death, if there is an illness, if there is something that impacts your ability to show up for the program, I will give you an additional three months in the container. It’s clearly outlined, so that people understand what they can and can’t ask for. I know that sounds maybe kind of formulaic, but when you’re scaling you need to have unique needs to be formulaic. Otherwise, it can get incredibly messy, you can’t do one thing for one person, and then not do that for the other. Equally, I have very strong boundaries around what I expect to people when they commit to something. And those are also very clearly outlined and adhered to, the majority of which are adhere to by my team. So I don’t have to get sucked into any of the emotional stress that can potentially come up alongside it. So be clear on your values, create the boundaries around it, where you find yourself feeling frustrated, upset, hiding away, playing small, it’s your job to look at where those leaky boundaries are, so that you can firm them up to enable you to keep on growing like if you are currently at a kind of I wouldn’t say crossroads where you’re like bumping your head against the same ceiling in your business. It’s rarely your offer, it’s rarely your messaging, it’s very often a leaky boundary.

So I’d encourage you to look where you are leaking energy into areas that you really don’t need to in your business. Anyway, this was a relatively ad libbed ad hoc episode. But I feel like it’s a theme that people are almost embarrassed to speak about because it speaks to a vulnerability. It speaks to something that’s very real, and many of us in terms of the desire not to disappoint. You know, we are herd animals, of course, we want to get along with everyone. But when we’re in the online space, that’s like the equivalent of walking into a stadium and being like, please everyone like me, like even on a football team. Like even when they’re all there to support a football team. There’ll be players in the team that they like, I don’t like them. You can never please everyone. And the moment you let that go and go, You know what? I’m willing to be disliked. Because I’m living in my values. I’ve got strong boundaries around it. I give generously to those who give generously to me. I know I know I deliver on what I promise processes theater. Anyway, I hope this resonated I hope you found it helpful. If you’d like to learn more about what it is to be a Cushy CEO, do download my freebie The link is in the show notes. It will give you the roadmap to scaling with simplicity. So you can be that doesn’t give a fuck CEO yourself. I hope you enjoy it. And I will be back in your ears next week talking about the cushy CEO Roadmap. I’m actually going to be breaking it down for you bit by bit so that if you haven’t followed all my invitations to read it. You’ll get all good stuff right up in here as next week. See you then.